Posts Tagged ‘Zombie’

The Oscars have just gone by, and Cannes is on it’s way, we’re feeling a bit glitzy. But with all these reports of what the young-uns are up to today (Shai with his booze cruising and Bella with her bongs) it makes us want to hark back to the good ol’ days, when film stars knew how to behave. I wish we could bring back the crooners, the classic Hollywoods and old school Lotharios. Oh but we can; as zombies! Here are our top 5 film stars we want to re-animate and why.

Marilyn Monroe

Who doesn’t want the goddess of the silver screen re-animated?  Just imagine it; she staggers towards you, giving you a blood thirsty look, not too unlike her sexy come to bed eyes, just with a bit more blood pouring out of their sockets. However she’s failed to notice her one weakness…a floor vent!  As the bedraggled white dress, stained red with her victims blood, whoosh up covering her top half, you see her zombie hands confusedly struggle to contain the phantom cloth.  Just for re-creating that scene she deserves to be undead.  That, and also the fact that The Misfits (THE zombie band) based their name on her last film. Boop-boop-a-nom-nom-nom!

Fred Astaire

If we include ol’ Daddy Long Legs then I think we have to allow for the 28 days/ Land of the Dead style zombies; fast moving with at least some memory retention. Imagine him doing a smart little tap dance over to you then grabbing your hand and leading you in a waltz whilst subtly trying to nom your neck. Just picture him dragging an umbrella behind him as he tries to swing round a lamp post but fails as his arm tears off from it being too decomposed and is left behind still clinging on as he falls flat into a puddle. Basically dancing zombies = awesome.

Jacques D’Azur

Ok so I know he may not be completely confirmed as being dead but I do sure miss this classic Lothario. Maybe all this time while he’s been missing on his yacht he sumbled across a strange island with trancelike groaning inhabitants who seem to be cold to the touch… how many zombie films start like that I wonder! Maybe he could be on his way back to reclaim his title as the legend of Cannes a bit like in Zombi 2 when the yacht gets back to shore in the US with a zombie onboard. And what sort of zombie would be on board? Why an old school gentleman zombie of course. Jacque D’Zombie would be the sort who bought you dinner before eating your brains, held the door open for you to run through and he’d never take liberties such as noming you when your back is turned. As well as being a true un-dead gent we’d love to see a zombie trying to play tennis. Just imagine, he throws the ball up in the air to serve, forgets to swing and the ball lands splat straight into his hollowed out eye socket. Best potential zombie gore moment ever! Lastly he’d obviously be a prolific zombie because, just like when he went grey, he’d turn being un-dead into the latest fashion craze to hit the french riviera. The only problem is that as Jacques didn’t really age in life, would he in death? Would Jacques D’Zombie actually look like a zombie or just a regular guy, but a bit cold and groany. Who knows, but we’d like to see!

Peter Lorre/Vincent Price

These guys naturally come as a pair so why count them separately? They’re on the list for the same reasons; truly creepy horror acting that could transpose directly to real life zombie horror and they both have amazing eyes that, if coupled with the zombie red eye thing of 28 Days or even the white eye thing of Evil Dead, would scare the chainsaw right out of your hands.  Vincent’s eyes pierce through to your soul with cold calculating precision, while Peter’s have a puppy dog feel to them that would just look so cool all zombied up.  However, the biggest reason for these two to be granted re-animation rights is their voices. Picture zombie Peter Lorre limping after to you groaning out ‘Braaaaaaaaaains’ in that mad scientist voice of his. It would be the best! As for the zombie paring, they’d never part each others side. With Peter Lorre all short, fat and crazy looking and Vincent Price standing tall next to him giving sinister it’s rightful definition; they’d make a great team!

Elvis

Elvis back from the dead in any sense is a good thing, but a zombie Elvis is something else all together.  All dressed up in a sequined cat suit, covered in blood, skin peeling from his face but quiff still magically intact. We’d swear on Graceland that it would be a mouth dropping visual treat. Other Zomvis details (see what we did there) would have to include:

- Vegas style sunglasses all broken up

- Guitar neck sticking out of body somewhere

- One blue suade shoe, very trampled on

- Ability to make dogs bark at him, all the time

- Mutters catch phrase “uh huh huh”, probably mid guts meal, nom nom nom

- Frantic hip thrusting that leads to his leg bone coming clean out of his pelvis and through his skin

We’d also like it if Elvis could come back as young Elvis, relatively fresh looking, and then go through a similar ageing process to his pre death counterpart; slowly his stomach would bloat and bulge, he’d become more saggy, and the costume just wouldn’t quite fit and eventually he would explode having eaten way too many brains.


Who would you like to see reborn undead and looking awesome?  Did we miss out a key player, or feature for our listed ghouls?  Chip in with your ideas below!

Right, so we’re all in this building. Zombies surronding it entirely. The Sayid looking guy turns to me and tells me to grab the sniper and clear a path to the bunker. I run over to the sniper rifle, and head towards the window. Suddenly we hear a door burst open downstairs and zombies start flooding in, heading towards the stairs. Sayid shouts at me to take them out with the AK47. So I head over to the stairs and mow them down. Once they were dealt with I headed back to the window…I take aim…BANG…But the sound wasn’t my gun…it came from downstairs. MORE zombies have have burst in, so i have to go deal with them again. This happens about 5 times, before we decide to just leave the house and risk it. For some reason, the house has a fire escape style stairwell like you’d find in an office block or something, complete with fire escape doors at the bottom. We burst out of them into an alley.

The alley is grotty and grimey. It felt New Yorky, with torn posters for gigs, and dumpsters and rubbish on the floors. We hid behind a stack of oil barrels at the mouth of the alley. We survey the area and see a clear line for us to run through to the bunker. Sayid makes a break for it and makes it. He is safe. No zombies noticed, it was all good. So next the girl charges across the field and safely arrives at the bunker without alerting the hoarde. It comes to my turn. I start running at the bunker, but as I get closer, my legs start to ache, and I can really feel this ache. It was a pain sort of inbetween muscle ache and legs having fallen asleep. It was horrible and it slows me down big time. As I approach the bunker, sort of a wall of zombies form around the entrance. I can’t get through so I double back. I sense that zombies are following me, hot in pursuit. I get very scared…I hate being chased As I get closer to the alley, my legs start to feel better again and by the time I am at the alley I am feeling fine. Also, the path to the bunker is clear, and the chasing zombies have stopped chasing. I try again. EXACTLY THE SAME THING HAPPENS. And that’s it, for the rest of the dream I am running back and forth between the alley and the bunker, and each time I can feel this pain in my legs, it was horrible, and each time, zombies gather around the entrance, and each time I am chased by zombies, and each time I get back to the alley and all is fine again…HORRIBLE!

I do absolutly love the Hitler parodys…and it’s always nice when they use different clips other then the classic one. Here is one such example. Hitler is told he is a zombie…

The imaginary game they never taught you on Sesame Street…

A frenzied zombie attack has suddenly unfolded right outside your door. Find weaponry! Blunt or sharp? Need better defences, or hole up where you are? What’s your escape route? How about your colleague Zoe, is she a screamer? She might need a slap to bring her to her senses. Yes yes, slap Zoe! Could you kill zombie Frank from human resources? Will you battle through heroically, only pausing momentarily to mourn your fallen comrades? Or will you crumble under the stress…?

I’ve tried to introduce this game to the office, but they seem oddly uninterested. Fools. They’ll be sorry.

Still being way lazy, I’ll write something for reals soon.  But for now MORE HARDCORE PUNK(zombie style) and I have a feeling there will be a few videos by these guys up on this here blog.  It’s Send More Paramedics with their awesome awesome song “Zombie Crew”.  I’m pretty sure CraigOfTheDead is somewhere in this video.

and for anyone who doesn’t know where the name comes from…shame on you! Return Of The Dead! Freaking awesome 80’s zombie film.

So your post-apocoliptic body has been roaming the earth for a while now and you’ve had your share of fresh brains, hearts and lungs, you’ve swarmed with the un-dead elite and partied like it’s doomsday. The only problem is the decay, your arms are a bit loose and you’ve lost and eaten the odd finger while gorging on a fresh corpse. Never fear, you have reached the Zombie survival guide and I’m here to tell you how you can keep it all together, while still partying hard with the nouveau un-dead.

The modern Zombie has a number of tools in his or her arsenal to ensure longevity, here I’ll show you how to apply those tools and what to carry with you to ensure your body remains in tip top lurching condition.

• Twine – Strong thread or twine is essential for those times when one of your appendages has fallen off and you need to stitch yourself back together in a hurry, also it’s ideal for stitching up axe wounds, knife wounds and other deep cuts.
• Super glue – ideal for re-attaching fingers and toes and also works well to seal breaks in the skin that have been stitched up by twine. For the gents, super glue is ideal for re-attaching your little zombie, should your member become detached in the throes of orgy, that is assuming you can find where you left it of course (you may have to eat it out). Alernatively, glue a condom on your little fella to keep him in place, nobody likes a case of Mr Breaky.
• Gloves – Prevention is better than cure, keep your fingers from getting lost with a pair of gloves, leather is best as it also doubles up as a snack, but in a bind, a pair of marigolds will keep your fingers in place. Fingerless gloves should be avoided.
• Gaffer / Duct / Elephant tape – Ideal sticky stuff for keeping stuff in place, but remember, once you apply, you’ll never get it off again without taking clumps of skin with it, so use only as a permanent repair.
• Plastic bag – It’s good to keep a bag with you to collect lost body parts and keep them safe until you can find stuff to repair yourself.

So now your armed with the knowledge to keep yourself in one piece, you just need to maintain that diet of fresh brains and you can keep on lurching for years to come.

I saw this movie when I was very young and it changed my views on Custard, Zombies and Life forever. The movie is of course Peter Jackson’s legendary Braindead! Arguably the most gory film ever made, and it contains the best Custard Movie Moment Ever! From that day on whenever anyone, including myself, ate any custard I would feel nauseous and giggly, especially when there was Jam on top because it looks like a gross bit of Old Lady Zombie Goo, the worst kind of Zombie Goo.

Here is the Best Custard Movie Moment Ever!

If you havn’t run into this browser based game yet, check it out. Fun times had by all in a simple browser based MMO type game. Real easy to play, and real faithful to the ol’ zombie genre we all know and love. It’s sweet, and if you can get a good survivor going sooooo much fun, being a zombie…also loadsa fun!

www.urbandead.com

Totally forgot about this.  Awesome fan video to the song “Wake the Dead” by Comeback Kid.  Hardcore Kids doing Hardcore Dancing…and zombies…oh yes.  If you need a lesson on hardcore dance moves check out the lower video.  Sick Of It All “Step Down”

…what about Bear Vs Zombie.  That would be awesome!  I’ve had a little search and I really can’t find much on the matter.  We all know about the Bear Vs Shark phenomenon.  A classic battle between two of our planets most kick ass predators, and I am pretty sure we’re all well aware of a certain movies Shark Vs Zombie…again a classic battle.

So why no love for Bear Vs Zombie.  I did a little hunting around when I realised what awesome potential this had…and I had hoped there would have been a comic…or t-shirt…or something…instead there’s this: http://bearversuszombies.smackjeeves.com/.  If I’m being brutally honest…it really doesn’t fullfil my Bear Vs Zombie need.  I mean it’s ok and all, not my sort of thing, it’s cheesy as hell and not in the good zombie movie kinda way.  Reading it I am just desperatly waiting for that dumb bunny to get eaten.  They are all way too cocky!  Some people I know would love it.  Not me.  I need the raw animalistic battle that we see in Zombi 2.  Basically, A Bear Vs A Zombie.  None of that arrow shooting, animals what get along style stuff.

I also found an Iphone game, battlebears, which has bears with guns fighting zombies.  I kept up the hunt for a little bit longer but gave up.  It was all stuff about that comic.  I really wish there was a Bear Vs Zombie something.  T-Shirt, good comic, flash game.  It would rule and lead to Zombie Bear Vs Zombie Shark, or Bear Vs Shark Vs Zombie.  This is the future guys, but it’s being destroyed by making bears cute and able to carry guns and think and stuff.  Animals shouldn’t be able to use guns…unless the gun is a head mounted lazer…